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Going on silent mode

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Re: Going on silent mode

Postby RubyTuesday49 » Oct 14, 2012 12:50 am

I guess the key is; try to maintain a healthy lifestyle - eat healthy and take care of your overall health, garden whilst you can and if you want to remain in your home but find some tasks difficult, hire someone. When we moved and bought this house we kept thinking about how it would be for my Mom because in 20 years that will be us - god willing. We have stairs but if she finds them too difficult one day, we will put in a stair lift! I have seen assisted living and intermediate care facility living and it can be a positive next step when needed. It's all evolution - putting yourself into surroundings that can be best for your needs. Mom's friends are child-less, they are 92 & 85 and still living in their own home. We try to be there for them when the occasion arises - have them over for dinner some times and Mom bakes things for them now and then. It's good to have a purpose and things you want to do most every day.
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Re: Going on silent mode

Postby Heidi S » Oct 14, 2012 12:47 pm

Dad's health changes have been fairly dramatic for the last 18 months. Before that he was doing ok, still traveling regularly, puttering around doing things on his own with relative ease, then 2 bouts of pneumonia in 2011, and a bout of flu in Jan 2012, brought significant changes. He had to return home to BC from his 2nd home in Washington state, on a permanent basis, and became unable to move around without the use of a power scooter and went on continuous oxygen.

That worked for almost 6 months, until he had the accident on the scooter. He managed to crash it, breaking his shoulder in the process on July 14th, and spent 10 days in hospital. We got him home to his apartment, but he couldn't be alone anymore, so we tag-teamed with me carrying the largest load of time as I have the most flexible life. But we just cannot sustain it forever. My brother lives in Yellowknife, and I live in PG, and after researching the options, we were told Dad could not live in the north because of his serious lung problems - very cold/dry air is not his friend. His need for oxygen keeps rising, and his ability to fend for himself just faded away. Therefore, the move to the new living arrangements.

If we lived down south I would have taken him into my home immediately. But we can't just up sticks and move back to the big city - no jobs, no home (or be able to afford one either). I agree that this is an opportunity to review how we will manage as we age; we are in our mid 50's and have about 10-12 working years left. Our son is 19 and at university, and who knows where he will end up - he doesn't want to stay here in PG is all he knows. I don't plan to be one of those parents who follows their only child around the country, so we will do all we can to find a way to live healthy and safely for as long as possible.

Seeing the costs of what we are doing for Dad really clarifies what we need to have available to fund a long retirement life for ourselves. Dad's adequate pension does not cover his costs now, but he has savings which are being used up to cover the shortfall, and then we will sell his condo and supplement his income with the proceeds. I have told him that my brother and I don't need his money and he is to use it for this situation. I don't actually think he will outlive his resources, but if he does, I will supplement it as needed.

This has been a very thought provoking experience, that is for sure.
Heidi S,
Prince George, BC
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Re: Going on silent mode

Postby RubyTuesday49 » Oct 14, 2012 11:02 pm

My Mom's 82 yr old sister lives in the same town as us - in her own apartment. She's really not doing that great - she's on continuous oxygen too. I really didn't expect her to live past her early 70's because she has had so many health issues over the years. She has been in and out of hospital several times this year. It really would be a lot better for her if she would consider living in a facility. She doesn't eat well - it's always a concern. She has a cleaning lady who comes every few days. ( had no children) I hear what you say when you said you can't exactly pick up and move. - My parents used to often say "you should move here." - but in their minds it would be no problem for us to sell our house and buy another here (much higher price) and of course they thought we could easily get jobs here. It's not that easy for sure and it's often cost prohibitive. Don't let that make you feel guilty. You sound like you have shouldered more than your share of the burden, and I'm sure your Dad appreciates everything you do for him.
Gardening requires a lot of water - most of it in the form of perspiration.
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Re: Going on silent mode

Postby Carrem » Nov 30, 2012 9:04 am

Ther are some awsome Assited livingm projects provide you all necessary facilities at old age which you need to live comfortably, like Furnished bed room, equiped bath, wheel chair, lifts, t.v lounge an dinternet at an old age home. Also provide nursing facility with complete privacy.
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Re: Going on silent mode

Postby Heidi S » Dec 01, 2012 6:26 pm

There are also long waiting lists, badly run facilities, significant expenses and of course, the will of the person who needs the help. Let me assure you that caring for an elderly parent in poor health is not simple, and even harder when you live hundreds of km away. But, I am doing my very best to honour my parents' wishes, keep them safe and not bankrupt the entire family in the process.

In this province, you cannot enter an assisted living facility without being assessed and approved by the health authority. The facility my Dad has recently moved to is 'supportive living' building (less services than assisted living), and we pay extra for his daily personal care aide to help him with bathing and dressing on top of what is available in his building. This is costing us over $1500/m more than his pension provides, based on his 2011 taxable income. We will be able to reduce his taxes for 2012 when we do his next tax return based on his increased medical needs, but we have to pay it out first - therefore we are using his savings for now.

My point is, it isn't that simple, frankly!
Heidi S,
Prince George, BC
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