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My Mom's 92nd Birthday

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Re: My Mom's 92nd Birthday

Postby LeeInEdmonton » Dec 14, 2012 7:46 pm

My only hope is that I outlive Myrt so that she will never find herself alone because we had no children not that we would ever want to be dependent upon them if we did. They are entitled to their own lives free of the stress of dependent parents all tho many children do "step up to the plate" thank God. Many of those children are members of this forum & my admiration of them is boundless.

Lee
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Re: My Mom's 92nd Birthday

Postby agedgardener2 » Dec 14, 2012 9:26 pm

I've been reading all the posts about nursing homes.I've had a little experience with a dear Aunt who was in one in Vancouver.Now I'm seeing my friends moving into very nice places.In my family we have never considered that option.I have been a widow since 1966 and raised and supported three children alone.I am used to to paddling my own canoe.For the last twenty years I've lived
independently in a granny apartment beside my son and family.We pooled our resources to buy back the home we had lived in 1966.The arrangement has worked very well for both of us.I have made it a point not to impose on my children and do everything I can possibly do my self or have done for me by outside help.I go to the Dr.,buy my own groceries,travel by taxi{much cheaper than owning a car} but if I'm not up to it my adult children will do errands and pick up what I need.When I need help I ask for it and they step up to the plate knowing that I won't expect help if I can do it myself.I would hate to be told when and what to eat.....ie overcooked tasteless vegetables.I take a daily tub bath without assistance....can't imagine only having a bath when others decided.The family have said they would never put me in a home but I have told them they can if the time comes I don't know them or know where I am going.....now that's my rant for today.I am fortunate to come from a good healthy Scottish family who live long and healthy lives and don't have long lingering illnesses.
There was no dementia either. Joy
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Re: My Mom's 92nd Birthday

Postby Lulu » Dec 14, 2012 9:59 pm

agedgardener2 wrote: The family have said they would never put me in a home but I have told them they can if the time comes I don't know them or know where I am going.....now that's my rant for today.I am fortunate to come from a good healthy Scottish family who live long and healthy lives and don't have long lingering illnesses.
There was no dementia either. Joy


Joy, my mother was healthy, independent and traveling the world, till she was 84, spending 6 months in Mexico, three months traveling abroad, and three months here, in the summer. She also comes from Scottish heritage where all our kin lived to be over 100, and there was absolutely no dementia. I traveled with my mother, for over 30 years, so, we discussed her future, many times, at length, and we both agreed, that when she no longer knew me, or didn't know where she was, that would be the time to place her.

She lived with me for five years, during which, the roles were reversed, and she became my sick child. Even though we agreed on it, it was still extremely difficult, painful, and heart wrenching (for me), when that point was reached and the decision had to be made. She has been in LTC for three years now, and, although I have finally accepted that that is what has to be, there are still times I go through some terrible feelings that I abandoned her. For the first two years, I was going to the LTC, 7 days a week, to feed her supper, and get her ready for bed and tend to all her personal needs. After my grandson's accident, and the need to help with his rehabilitation, I had to reduce that to 3 days a week, and I pay people to go the other 4 days.

She has not known who I am, for over 4 years, but, I know who she is.
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Re: My Mom's 92nd Birthday

Postby agedgardener2 » Dec 14, 2012 10:12 pm

Lulu...I'm 83 now I guess I better keep my finger crossed and hope for the best.I hope you didn't think I was implying that you hadn't done and are doing your best for your Mum.You are to be commended for your care and devotion to her Joy
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Re: My Mom's 92nd Birthday

Postby Lulu » Dec 14, 2012 10:32 pm

Not to worry, Joy,,wasn't thinking that, at all.

Elder care is and always has been, a very sensitive subject with me, and I have a lot empathy for anyone who is just embarking on the journey of parental care.

While some may see it as a burden, those who are actually doing it, usually do not see it the same way.
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Re: My Mom's 92nd Birthday

Postby agedgardener2 » Dec 14, 2012 10:39 pm

Lulu' I'm the one who will be on the receiving end of elder care.I guess I'm just trying to tell myself it won't happen to me.......if I'm lucky as my parents and grandparents were.They had strokes and passed away within a week at home. Joy
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