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Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't open.

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Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't open.

Postby davefrombc » Dec 28, 2012 4:46 pm

I got 3 e-mails from my net friend in Malaysia. She's a retired teacher there.
Here they are:
First:
THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS
1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10: Don't play with your meat!
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more

Second:


A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.

She pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.
"No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man says:
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objections to taking a pill.
"No objection," he says. "I'm fine with pills."

The dentist gives him a couple of pills.
He swallows them. "What are they?" he says.

"Viagra," says the dentist.

"Damn," the patient says, "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer."

"It doesn't" said the dentist,
"But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."

And third:



________________________________________


Signs
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
*************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take
appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
*************************
And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**************************
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises


Side note to those that said I wouldn't post these .
You don't know me that well, do you ?

To those that wish to complain.. Send all complaints to the administrators.

And to those that enjoy a little PG13 humour.. I hope you had a very Merry Christmas ! Stay safe and warm into the New Year
BC Fraser Valley zone 7/8
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby kelly_m » Dec 28, 2012 7:28 pm

you said Admin, not Mod, right????? LOL

:twisted:
Kelly
Zone 5a/b


OLD GARDENERS NEVER DIE. THEY JUST SPADE AWAY
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby davefrombc » Dec 28, 2012 7:45 pm

Yup.. If there are any complainers let the admin do their jobs instead of leaving all to the mods
BC Fraser Valley zone 7/8
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby Ron Evers » Dec 28, 2012 8:07 pm

Some good chuckles here but this thread is not for our Prissy members.
Ron.

The wood is clear between the knots.
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby orchidguy » Dec 28, 2012 8:16 pm

HILARIOUS........copied and pasted this, and will be sending off to some relatives and friends.

One question, what have I missed on the knickers thingy, as I've seen it in a few posts?
If it's a knickers joke, could you fill me in please?
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby CdnChelsea » Dec 28, 2012 9:05 pm

ha, ha, ha.gif
ha, ha, ha.gif (8.96 KiB) Viewed 4201 times
"Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth
are never alone or weary of life" ~ Rachel Carson
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby kelly_m » Dec 29, 2012 9:20 pm

Dave Dave Dave......
:roll:
Kelly
Zone 5a/b


OLD GARDENERS NEVER DIE. THEY JUST SPADE AWAY
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby Eeyore » Dec 29, 2012 10:46 pm

Well, this is the most interesting thing I've seen since Marc left. Good giggles Dave. :)
Especially the dentist! :lol:
Lyn
AB, Zone 3A
----------------------------------
“Those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it.” ` James Arthur Baldwin"
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby kelly_m » Dec 30, 2012 4:27 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Kelly
Zone 5a/b


OLD GARDENERS NEVER DIE. THEY JUST SPADE AWAY
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Re: Knicker knotters.. if you're easily offended, don't op

Postby mollyzone5 » Dec 31, 2012 10:26 am

Well Dave if these are the things you are going to post,well I am going to have to -------------come here more often and enjoy your posts.This one is great,thanks for the laughs! :lol:
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