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Just saying

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Just saying

Postby otnorot » Sep 18, 2012 6:48 pm

As we progress into 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you I can't use any one's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.


I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY…
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Re: Just saying

Postby davefrombc » Sep 18, 2012 7:02 pm

I'm doomed ! I've committed all those sins of omission , plus I've drank from a garden hose, got into my car without checking the back seat , drank unpasteurised milk, ridden a bike without a helmet, let my pets sleep on my bed, suffered doggy kisses, and failed to heed all the dire warnings about not passing on all the warnings , blessings, and wise sayings to everyone on my mailing list.
BC Fraser Valley zone 7/8
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Re: Just saying

Postby Dumbo » Sep 18, 2012 9:33 pm

otnorot wrote:A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


Whoa. :shock:

Good one, otnorot.
The internet is a very, very, serious entity created solely for commercial gains.
Canadian Gardening made me a hardcore separatist
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Re: Just saying

Postby Katherine » Sep 20, 2012 12:13 am

Ok what I want to know from all of that is does Coke REALLY remove toilet stains?

Ima try that right now!
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Re: Just saying

Postby davefrombc » Sep 20, 2012 12:34 am

I don't know if it removes stains or not .. likely gets some of it since it is a weak acid. Personally , the toilet is the best place for Coke and Pepsi most of the time :lol: I do enjoy a lemon/lime or ginger ale from time to time, but seldom drink any pop.
BC Fraser Valley zone 7/8
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