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At what age did you stop giving allowance to your children?

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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby Eeyore » Sep 23, 2012 1:51 pm

The arrangement with my kids was that they got $X until they got a part time job or if they were going to school full time and not working we gave them $X. Any money they earned from a part time job was deducted from their allowance. If they earned more than the allowance then they didn't get allowance that month. Both of my kids lived at home when they went to school and had scholarships to offset part of their tuition. They were expected to do well and earn scholarships in their second year. Thankfully both went to Tech school as we wouldn't have been able to afford University. Anything that they couldn't cover we did along with their R&B. We sat each one down and went through our monthly expenses with them so they understood exactly what we were doling out for their education. We paid for them to go through ONCE. Any other choices they made was under the stipulation that they covered it themselves or got student loans. My son ended up going back to school for a Business Diploma, he has completed 2 years and now he will either complete the rest part-time or by distance learning. It's his choice now. We have supported him, his wife and child for 4 years with minor financial input from them. They get R&B. Phones, insurance etc are paid by them.
Through certain twists of fate at opportune times they both ended up with vehicles. It was never our intention to provide vehicles to them but it just so worked out that way.
Sorry, kinda long winded there but basically every situation is individual but IMO your husband needs a slap in the head and your daughter needs a wake up call. No child is ENTITLED to their parents money. They did not work for it, you did. It's yours to spend as you see fit, if that includes an allowance for a grown child then that is your choice. But considering what you already spend on her I would say she's past that.
Have you ever gone through the household expenses with her, or at the very least her expenses? Including her share of groceries, utilities etc?
Lyn
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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby B_BQ » Sep 23, 2012 2:21 pm

From the gist of the replies to Donna's question, I get the impression that we're all on the same page here.

We're all very concerned that someone who has never had to worry about money, or who has never had to do without, or who has always had exactly what they wanted, and when, is going to face a huge crisis some time in their lives because they will not know how to manage or understand money.

I don't think we as parents do our children any favours by not teaching them how things work, i.e. they don't put out their hands and get it filled with money! They really need to know how to budget, manage, do without if necessary, and not live on a credit card!

Time for a very serious one-on-one between husband and wife, and get some ground rules organized, and promises to stick by them.

There will be times when the rules need to be changed, once or several times, but those times can be dealt with as and when they come along.

Heidi: I catch that show 'Til Debt Us Do Part' once in a while, and I'm very impressed with how she deals with the couples who are really struggling with their finances. She doesn't condemn outright, but teaches them to look at their situation and their attitude to money, and how to make things work for them. It takes some hard work, and some hard feelings, but she's very good.

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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby DonnaZn2SK » Sep 23, 2012 2:54 pm

Thanks again for the insightful replies...it's a good discussion.

My husband and I did not grow up in privileged households. We earned every bit of our "success", if you can call it that; there were lots of sacrifices made along the way.

Unlike Heidi's husband, mine is on the same page as me when it comes to our own personal expenses. It's just spending on the children and certain parenting issues that we disagree about. My daughter has it in her head that she is going to get a great job and that will give her all she needs for her expensive habits. She doesn't see anything wrong with her parents paying for her tuition, car, gas, part of her cell phone, etc. She says this is the norm amongst her circle of friends. I tend to agree with her, they are a very privileged lot - I always tried to parent differently (you can get some things, but not everything).

I can't get it through to my husband that our children will not miraculously become financially responsible adults as soon as they move out, especially if we haven't given them the skills to do so.
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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby kelly_m » Sep 23, 2012 5:17 pm

Gee....I guess I am an ogre. I stopped giving my kids allowance when the started taking advantage of the fact that I was around to do everything so they thought they didn't have to do anything!

Now...the youngest is 12...if he has a week where he has done extra chores that aren't part of the day to day, then yeah he'll still get allowance.

The older boy will do the heavier chores.....and get paid for them (like a job) and the girl....she gets $ to go out with friends that sort of thing....but if she is lazy ass and expects everything given to her, she's gotta pay out of her own pocket.

she's the oldest at 16......
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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby Katherine » Sep 23, 2012 8:33 pm

DonnaZn2SK wrote:Thanks again for the insightful replies...it's a good discussion.

My husband and I did not grow up in privileged households. We earned every bit of our "success", if you can call it that; there were lots of sacrifices made along the way.

....

I can't get it through to my husband that our children will not miraculously become financially responsible adults as soon as they move out, especially if we haven't given them the skills to do so.


I think this is your answer right here. What I find so hard is the lack of regard and respect you seem to be getting from your daughter. That has to hurt. If its any consolation, my eldest was absolutely hell on wheels as a 12 -16 year old. We feared for her life. She was scathing, mean, cold, and she stole from me. She apologized for it and we are much closer now, but there have been several times when I know we are still not connecting. And she is the one who has not made good financial decisions. I think we gave her good basics, and as a person she has improved 100 % .

Like Brenda, I believe you have to get your husbands attention, meet one on one, get serious, and come to some basic agreements beetween the two of you. Then both start enforcing some rules about money. I bet you anything that the "other" girls who get everything are not exactly getting everything they want either. Maybe their parents hear about how your daughter "gets everything she want..." In any case, thats just BS. Sorry. I hate it when kids play adults against each other.

PS Lyn, you said you taught your kids fiscal responsibility as children but then your son and his wife and child lived at home for four years... I had a sort of similar thing happen. My eldest made bad life decisions, (wouldnt trade my grandkids for the world, BUT....). So despite the lessons and rules and crap, when they decide to do something as an adult, even if its not something they can afford to do, we still end up fixing it for them, helping them out yada yada...

Recently there was an article about young folks these days deciding NOT TO HAVE KIDS. I sometimes wish that had occurred to me about 30 years ago. I love my kids but sometimes I think I would have been better off with just the DH and a dog or sumpin.

:)
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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby B_BQ » Sep 23, 2012 10:16 pm

Katherine wrote:Recently there was an article about young folks these days deciding NOT TO HAVE KIDS. I sometimes wish that had occurred to me about 30 years ago. I love my kids but sometimes I think I would have been better off with just the DH and a dog or sumpin.


"Nail on head". Even DH sometimes!!! lol

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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby Dumbo » Sep 23, 2012 10:41 pm

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Donna said:

DonnaZn2SK wrote: She also likes really expensive things and mom is not willing to pay for any of it unless it is a birthday or Christmas gift.

... According to her, I'm cheap and she is not.

... her life sucks because her mother won't let her do everything or buy her everything.

Same is going on here. Norm teenage stuff.

Take her internet away like I did to the kid a week ago.

Internet = power
\o/

DonnaZn2SK wrote: As you can guess, part of my problem is my knuckle-headed husband.


Damn him!
*shakes fist in the air*
Grrrr

I agree with Donna*

*Will agree to anything for potenial sex

That aside, allowance should be viewed as:
Money for nothing
or
Money for labour (chores)

Your choice as a parent.

I view it as money for nothing, since anything else is a fight. Accept it.

Meanwhile the oldest here NEVER did/does a thing. Not even do a load of laundry or fix the table for dinner. Won't even feed the cat or the *&(^#$^ dog.

They know better. Nothing you can say. Not worth the argument.

However I control the router. They kiss ass for that.
The internet is a very, very, serious entity created solely for commercial gains.
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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby DonnaZn2SK » Sep 24, 2012 12:16 am

I was going to take her cell phone away for a day as a consequence and my husband put a kibosh on it...said she pays for part of it, so it's hers. Good luck taking away internet.

My daughter is very stubborn and an idiot about having certain brands and making sure she doesn't stick out as having something different. Case in point, we have several pairs of safety goggles in the house and when she said she needed a pair for her chem lab, I suggested she take one of these (one still new in plastic). Well, guess who had to buy one for $10 at the university bookstore?

Same went for the backpack. She wanted one off the internet, which would have been over $150 when duties, shipping and taxes were factored in. I convinced her to accept one from a sporting goods store which cost $65 (we paid for this); it was the right brand name and colour, it just had some contrasting detail she didn't like. Anyway, fast forward three weeks and she realizes this backpack is only for looks and can't hold all her stuff. I asked if she wanted to switch backpacks with her brother, who has a nice roomy black backpack, perfect for her needs. Well, the brand isn't right and it's too big. Her choice is a backpack similar in size to her old one, but is all the rage on campus. It drives me absolutely crazy that she thinks she can afford all this stuff, when in fact it is only possible because she doesn't have to pay for anything else. Then she has the nerve to call me cheap.

I remember being that age and wanting all the nice, brand name things, but I also worked really hard for those things.

Marc,
That disclaimer that is at the start of all your posts....is that the equivalent of being put in the naughty chair?
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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby Heidi S » Sep 24, 2012 12:39 am

Oh, Donna, Donna, Donna, I would have to kill both your daughter and your husband! Good thing you are 3 provinces over!

I think you need to show her the TV show 'Princess' I mentioned before - she is certainly not living in reality - If she wants 'only the best' she can have it - on her tab though.

At this point, if you really want her to get it - give her a set amount of cash and let her manage it herself - but make a contract in writing that she gets $X.00 until whatever date you specify and not a penny more. Any further funds she 'requires' will have to be found through her own resources. You need to give her (and Daddy Dearest) shock therapy for heavens sakes.

And do not co-sign any credit cards or loans for her! If she defaults or starts paying late it will damage your credit records - and that stays forever. The time for bad credit to disappear from your record is 7 years after it has been paid off. If it isn't paid off, it never goes away. This will affect your own ability to get credit, and what interest rates you will be granted. If you are already cosigned on her phone contract, remove your name from it by the time it is up for renewal. You are asking for trouble with this kid.

If she isn't willing to live within her means, she needs to move out and make her own way - wouldn't that be a shocker. Life's a b!tch at the food bank line-up, kiddo. Never mind name brand, how about no brand - choose between rent and food - lots of struggling people with no resources have to do just that.

Unless we close the bank of mom and dad, they do not learn. My Mom was working at age 12 to help feed her family, and when I was a little girl she sometimes didn't eat, because there wasn't really enough for everyone. I didn't even know it but she scraped every penny so hard, just to survive the lean times, and somehow I learned that I could survive using those techniques. Of course, I wouldn't wish poverty on anyone, but this kid is just running the show around your place, and winning! Good luck!
Heidi S,
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Re: At what age did you stop giving allowance to your childr

Postby DonnaZn2SK » Sep 24, 2012 1:12 am

Heidi,

She has a part time job, so she does have some income. I stopped buying her clothes several years ago, when she would buy something and wear it once. She got a credit card this month but I don't have any worries about her abusing it...she asks before using the card and she hasn't put anything other than school stuff on it. We don't give her any money other than her small allowance (but we pay for a lot of her other expenses). She has access to her debit account but she doesn't do any really crazy spending, so setting up a cash jar wouldn't work. She just needs to learn some compromise...that is, making do with something she already has, rather than always needing the latest and greatest.

If she does have any troubles with money, it will be after she moves from home.
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