My Mom's 92nd Birthday

[Lulu]

Brought Chinese food into the nursing home, for my mom, her table mate, the nurses, and a few family! T'was good food and good times!

I bought a cake large enough to serve the residents in her wing, and served it with a candy cane. Doesn't take much to make the residents happy!

My daughter bought a tacky, singing, dancing Christmas tree hat; they all got quite a kick out of it, especially my mom.

[orchidguy]

Great to see you all had a wonderful day. With good days and bad days being a constant, it is so nice to see a special day, turn into a great one. Here's hoping for many more great days Linda

[Laura]

Great to have some fun on a special day .... and sharing is the best part !!

[bluewillow]

Quite the birthday celebration that many were able to celebrate along with. So kind of you Lulu.

[B_BQ]

It's so good to see your Mum in a happy place.
You've been through a lot to get her where she is.
You're a kind, caring and thoughtful daughter Linda.
I bet the other residents look forward to your visits too! You never seem to arrive empty-handed! lol
~BBQ

[Lulu]

I bet the other residents look forward to your visits too! You never seem to arrive empty-handed! lol
~BBQ

Brenda, this summer, was hilarious, because I was bringing in tomatoes, for them, by the bagful, every 2nd day, for over three months! I put between 4- 6 tomatoes in a lunch sack, with their name on it, and carried all the sacks in an extra large grocery bag. The nurses said they'd start lining up at the window, which overlooks the parking lot, at about 4:45, then the buzz would start as to how heavy the bag looked. Had to start warning them, when they were coming to an end!

It was awesome, to see how animated they got, and to see the look on their faces when they bit into the tomatoes!

Edited to add: their biggest pleasure is when I bring the dogs in to see them! Now that is priceless!

[B_BQ]

It doesn't take much to make most people happy Lulu, as you've discovered with your time and caring.

Unfortunately compassion and empathy seem to be two words, (and two emotions), sadly missing in so many caregivers and the general population these days. I hope there's someone around for us if and when we need those two incredibly important emotions.

~BBQ

[Scrapinthehat]

I couldn't agree more BBQ...it really doesn't take too much to make most people happy. It truly is the small things that count the most....with the doggies being one of the best no doubt!!!!

[fernleaf]

Lulu,

Glad to see that your mother is having a positive experience in the nursing home. Did she decide herself that she wanted to go in?

I recently was forced to place my mum who is the same age in a nursing home as she had been a patient in hospital longer than the officials liked and there was pressure on us to get her out and "placed" as they put it. She requires a great deal of nursing care and I was convinced by others that I would be unable to manage her alone at home so she was "placed". I regret it every minute. I can't believe that I actually signed the papers. I am constantly debating whether to take her out and take her home. I should have at least given it a try. I would be the sole caregiver who would not be receiving many hours of home care assistance. No other family close by to help. Nobody but me. It breaks my heart every night when I leave her in the nursing home. She wants to go home to her own bed. She doesn't fully realize where she is, I never actually told her - she still believes it is the hospital. She always mentioned to me when she was healthier that if the time ever come she did not wish to go into a home. She actually stated she would rather kill herself. She said she wouldn't want to be shoved around in the home, made to get up in the morning, be made to get up to go to meals, etc. This is exactly what happens. The people who run the homes think that it makes residents happy to socialize with others who are complete strangers. That is all fine and dandy for people who were really social before they entered the home but what about others who kept pretty much to themselves? They are put together with people they know nothing about and there is very little conversation between them if they have had strokes, etc. At present, my mum is really depressed and this makes me even more upset at what I have done by "placing" her.

Sorry, just writing this is making me sad, I must stop for now.

[Lulu]

Fernleaf,,my heart is breaking for you; I am all too familiar with the torrent of emotions and doubt you are going through. It is not easy. My mom was also a loner, and not too social, so, that brings it's own set of worries. It took me almost two years to come to peace with my decision to place her.

Not sure why your mother was placed, but my mom has advanced alzheimers, and, I kept her in my home for five years. In hindsite, I now know I waited a year too long to place her. Your mom is already admitted, and is somewhat used to her surroundings, even if she doesn't like it. I believe it would be a mistake to take her out, for fear of not getting her back in, when it becomes absolutely necessary.

I have come to the conclusion that nursing homes are not the nice places we believe them to be, no matter how pretty they are. After three years, my observation is that they are all treated well, and for those who can still walk and talk, there are lots and lots of activities to keep them stimulated. For those who can no longer communicate or are not mobile, the best you can hope for is that their basic needs, food, cleanliness, warmth, and good health care are met; anything thing else they get in the way of stimulation is a bonus.

I know I don't have to tell you, but for others, it is of uppermost importance that you be there, as often as possible, to ensure that things are as they are supposed to be. Ask to see their meds list often, and challenge what is not right. You are their advocate. Be as genuinely nice and helpful as you can to the staff; you have entrusted your loved one to their care.

As you see your parent becoming incapacitated in many areas, acceptance comes when you realize that they need to be where they can be constantly monitered and receive the best care possible. Hang in there, Fernleaf! It's a tough road! It's a ton of emotions, most notably guilt,,but, it does get better.